Thirty-eight weeks - The waiting game ...

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Here I am over thirty-eight weeks now! A mere two months ago I wouldn't have placed any bets we would see this number. From the time I was deemed a high risk pregnancy and the cerclage was placed we kept beating the odds and gained weeks like a normal pregnancy. It was everything I prayed for! This is where the mixed feelings and confusion has hit me lately. At thirty-six plus weeks I was scheduled for my cerclage removal and was told it will be go time within the week. The doctors I had feel a "rescue" stitch holding baby in differs from a preventive one. Well... here I am typing this blog post with baby girl tucked cozy inside still. My thoughts and feelings are a mess lately. I know should be jumping for joy that she won't be an early arrival anymore but I'm not. I have transitioned into the normal pregnancy thoughts of wanting to hold my sweet baby. As I share my excitement to get labour going and when I am honest to saying I want her NOW! I know what is crossing many people's minds and some have said it out loud "But you were just praying for her to stay??" and they are right, I was praying for her to stay as long as possible. However, this doesn't mean at the end of my pregnancy journey I can't feel like others.

 I personally have had one of the biggest years of change and hiccups ever! In all honesty I feel tired and often like I'm stuck in a dream. My family has been scattered around, I've been stuck in the tiny rental condo with a rambunctious four year old for four months now, I've had the adjustment to not working this year, ups and downs of pregnancy issues and I'm just ready to wake up and start living normally. I used to cook amazing meals, craft, sew, redecorate our home, host guests, and work full time. I was always busy and loved it! I am ready to have baby girl and go home to our actual house and have my normal life back. (Or as close to what we had, since I gave up working and our move, hubs work, house, life is all new.) Every day is Groundhog Day lately. I wake up, tend to King, go for long walks and wait for the so called labour that was supposed to start. The only difference is the amount of rain Vancouver is pouring down on us that morning. This isn't my home or my city and my chipper "make the best of it" is running out. I have a journey ahead that includes flying with a newborn myself, organizing the balance of our items to be transported to California and the biggest desire to have my family in one solid home that requires no more plane trips between us. I will continue to do my best for everyone around; but when I wake up and shed a tear in the morning because Groundhog Day is on repeat and I'm desperately ready to write that next chapter, I hope you understand that if you prayed or sent positive thoughts to keep Apple in, I'm still so very thankful. And truthfully for the most part I'm savouring the kicks, wiggles and beautiful belly I've enjoyed. I promise I'm really not complaining .... Much.

So this post comes down to the fact parenting and pregnancy isn't easy, there are good days and bad days. We never know what that mommy is keeping inside. Maybe your friend, coworker or family member is going through more than they want to tell you. Their aches may be real, sleepless nights uncomfortable and current situation harder than you know. Before we judge or tell them pregnancy is beautiful and they shouldn't want it to end, or to suck it up when they are overwhelmed with baby duties step back and consider there could be something more going on.


The waiting game with my Nespresso 

Nursing set by You! Lingerie

Nursing/Maternity Bra by Bravado Designs


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