Wednesday, August 12, 2015

How do I start this post? With the excitement I am having a girl or the sadness I am now a high risk pregnancy?  Let’s start with the happiness.  

When we found out I was pregnant I didn’t have a last menstrual period (LMP) date to go by because of the complications my body had after our miscarriage in February. We paid a service to get an early ultrasound done to find out dating. During the ultrasound the tech so wonderfully blurted out her opinion I am having a boy. I was thinking “am I that far long they can see a penis already?”  I asked how she came up with her gender comment and she told me it was in her experience at looking at the baby and the heart rate. Now I knew to take this young lady’s opinion with a grain of salt but I was hit with emotions when I got in the car. A healthy baby is the most important thing and that of course isn’t any less on my mind but I will be honest... I dreamed of a little girl often in my life. Thinking how I would teach her to do her hair, pick out fancy little dresses and all the things that come with it. I do know and understand she may have been a tomboy and hate all things pink but there was still something to be said to having the same sex as me in our home. 
  A few weeks later I got my first OBGYN appointment and they wanted a dating scan and check up on the baby since I was already going into my second trimester. I wasn’t thinking it would be anything more than a routine check and for sure didn’t expect news on what sex the baby was since I was thought to be around 13/14 weeks. Alone I went into the ultrasound room as my husband waited in the waiting area. I laid back on the table while the tech pulled out her magical wand to bring that beautiful vision of my baby to the big screen on the wall. I was watching the little baby moving and waving and started to think to myself why would I ever feel emotions if he is a boy. I love my boys more than life itself and couldn’t imagine them as girls in my house. As a few minutes pass by and the tech asks if I have kids and how many. I reply with my standard yes and that I have 3 boys so they will be happy to have another boy added to their team. She stops then turns to me and asks how I think I am having a boy to which I reply my story of the last clinic and the feelings I am meant to be a mother of boys. That is the moment she tells me to look up at the screen, the moment I will not forget. She manoeuvres that magic stick to something I have never seen before. Like I knew I was seeing legs but these little lines in between those legs weren’t the same as the tell tale two lumps with a stick! “What does that mean?!” I ask with my heart dropping to the floor and my head starting to spin. She kindly replies with a smile “It is very much a girl. She is being wonderful in showing her lady bits and you my dear are having a girl.”
 Girl!! G I R L  Girl!! With tears flowing and my head whirling at lightening speed I'm processing what this lady just told me. Umm, how did this happen? Did God forget who he was giving this baby to? Was there a mistake in delivery of baby to parents?  This must not be true so I will deny myself in believing it until I can get further confirmations!
 Out I walk to my husband to let him know we are done. As he opens my car door he casually asks “So did they happen to see what it was?” I reply “girl” and close my door with a smirk. As fast as my door shut he had it open again asking me a million questions! Is it true? How do we know? Are you sure? And then his last words with tears in his eyes before he shut the door were the sweetest “I hoped I could give you a girl.” I fell in love again for the second time that day.
  We didn’t tell anyone as I wanted to be sure this was true and that leads us to today. The official day to find out the sex of the baby. I went in for my routine check up and 18 week ultrasound, this time with Kurt and Kingsley by my side. It was confirmed, my little girl had not grown a penis as I thought she would. With the joy of that confirmation came the low and unhappy news my cervix isn’t doing its job. About 5 years ago I started having abnormal PAP results and was being monitored every few months. A year ago the changes made too big of a jump and I was told I needed a LEEP procedure. The specialist assured me the risks and complications in future pregnancies are low since we were trying for our fourth and it was important to me. Sadly those risks were low but not zero and today I found out I was one of the low stats. My cervix is shortening. When I stand the baby’s head can put more pressure on it causing it to shorten more and possibly dilate too early. I was told I need to go on bed rest for 2 weeks and am referred to a high risk specialist who will tell me if I can continue to live simple with no lifting or strenuous activities or the other two options of full bed rest and/or to suture my cervix shut - basically sewing the baby in. I am praying that my over indulgence in travel and activities the last week played a role in this and simply lightening my activities are enough. I can handle taking it easy but I think I will go stir crazy without dinner dates with my husband and seeing the town once in a while. So prayers are welcomed that my appointment in 2 weeks goes well and that my husband does not poison me with his cooking.
 Here are my reveal photos that I luckily snuck in the day before ordered rest! A thank you goes to my husband (a business man NOT photographer) for taking the time to shoot me...I am certain at times he felt literal about doing so with my bossy ways of directing him.
Dress by Terani Couture (not maternity)
Bunny by Jelly Cat 


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